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27:20 'All in Me'


It is not the easiest thing to feel like a royal priesthood every day. It is easier actually, if you ask me, to feel like the Israelites. A bunch of fearful, traumatized individuals walking through high walls of waves with the possibility of death any time. This pandemic has served a cocktail of sturdy and fragile days. Sometimes I feel like Peter, the confident Christ follower who knows Jesus on levels deeper than the seas; levels where flesh and blood do not reveal some intricate mysteries. On other days, I feel like Peter the traitor. If asked to defend Jesus, I’ll outrightly betray him. Because standing up for Him would mean losing myself, yet I like this version of me, and I am not ready to let go.
On a daring day I may go all Delilah on you, and go about life hiding my truth until an encounter with Jesus at the well leaves me questioning why a Holy God would still see past the flaws of a thirsty soul. So much so, He would have an in-depth conversation with me, an outcast, and see a gatherer for the kingdom, not the hunted. Darkness is a pillow on some days, when you wish the call was not so heavy, though inevitably, it crushes you. And while everyone seems to be enjoying the new wine poured from you, you see yourself as the deserted, shriveled and withered fruit.
But a new day dawns, it comes with new grace, new strength, new mercy and I choose to reach out and stretch myself out like the woman with the issue of blood, in hope that maybe, just maybe, this time, my prayer can change the day. And it so happens, that glimpses of God appear throughout the few hours of masquerade. Little by little I feel myself rising. In a few of my steps there is a little bit of a bounce. My body feels lighter and I can almost groove along with my shadow.
Image: pinterest.com

I guess that is life. Life can be very random and unexplainable. Sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down. Permission has been granted for both, whether you receive it or you do not. And just so you know, the fibres of faith and hope can be intertwined with humanity to allow a perfect love to cast out fear. The key though that activates a propulsion system particularly during your not so good moments is your thought process. What are you thinking when you are at your best? What are you thinking when you are at your worst? What is the difference between the truth of your feelings and the truth of who you really are?
It is neither enough nor healthy to maintain a defensive reputation before an all knowing God. It however is honoring to acknowledge that God knows. And beyond that He is willing to show you your truth; truth that you need to believe and truth that requires your participation in order to bring transformation. Here are few truths you may need to be reminded of;
The world still needs you. You are more valuable than you think. You’re “not just” a ……………… (fill in what you have been saying to yourself). You are capable of making a change. You have time if you are willing to still put in the work. Wallow, for a bit, but know there is still life beyond the wallowing. Reach out, stretch, touch, heal and soar. Your truth is not inconvenient. It is beautiful and it is needed.
Let us be honest, this first half of the year has been hard. A lot has and is still happening that is weighing in on us. Many of us have been good at keeping things in, but in this season we have watched emotions spill out. We have talked through tears as we identify and acknowledge feelings. And now more than ever, I believe we have sought for answers and right standing with God.
I am learning that even in chaos, there is always work to do. There is encouragement to spread. Some call them good vibes, I call the God vibes, because God’s kind of goodness transcends our unreliable feelings. There are relationships to rebuild. There are investments to make. There are conversations that we must have. There is less distraction, thus more room for worship and time alone with God. Life does not stop, it only slows down sometimes. That means your discipline does not stop, but room is created for you to be great at it.
I pray God gives you the courage to see the remainder of 2020 through the eyes of faith. I pray that your restlessness will be overshadowed by His voice, which through His spirit you will recognize. I pray that this will be the resumption of your trek up the mountain, and that with every step you take forward, God honors your courage.
We will get through this, and like I said in the previous blog post, we are going to be okay.

©namwano
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