FLOW OR FLOAT?

A lesson I am learning, the older I grow, is that with discovery comes revelation, and revelation does not always soothe. I believe in the slow burn of human connection, not the fleeting flicker of a sprint. I take my time, extending the same patience and grace to others that I give myself in my own process of self-discovery. Sometimes, curiosity bubbles up, a genuine thirst to understand. Other times, my emotional and mental reserves are low, and I'm simply present, observing. But…intrigue me. Nudge the edges of my world with a spark of genuine interest, and you might just pique my curiosity. A "Hmmmm…who is this person?" moment might dawn, and the spotlight of my attention will shift your way.

As we forge new connections in life, we are met with a mirror—not always a flattering one—that shows us how much we have changed, and perhaps, how much we still wish to. In that reflection, we see the vastness of who we are and the contradictions we carry. Self-awareness has unlocked a beautiful paradox within me: the freedom to be both simple and complex. I'm learning to embrace the duality of my nature. One moment I'm cracking jokes, the next I'm deep in thought. Courage and fear dance within me, sometimes hand in hand. I can be a tower of strength, vulnerable yet resilient, or suddenly find myself walled in by insecurities, feeling intimidated and small. But I've come to understand that this is how I was created, a tapestry woven with light and shadow. Instead of trying to erase my weaknesses, I'm exploring the fascinating ways they can become sources of unexpected strength.

We, together with my husband and a couple of friends, found ourselves unravelling the whens and whys of change in friendships we had early formed and grown to know as circles we can depend on. Lately, it seemed as though we had all encountered disruptions in the area of friendships and were trying to make sense of the unfamiliar. There has been a shift in the flow - because I believe that not everyone can resonate with the full spectrum of your being; some can only tolerate a carefully curated, single facet of who you are. People close to you will not always move with the flow of you. Doing life in the fluidity of your becoming may bring about a clearer perspective on who is journeying with you and who is part of the pack that cannot go with you.

Sometimes we are afraid to embrace people’s becoming because we are accustomed to leaning on monuments as opposed to wading in the water. Growth is fluid, not static; and with growth may come some changes that look like disruptions. However, not every disruption is dysfunction; sometimes it is simply a sign of evolution-becoming a better version of one’s self.

I am an admirer of friendships that have withstood the tests of time. From my perspective, these enduring connections are built on a foundation of deep understanding. Years spent together become a masterclass in communication, interaction, and the delicate art of nurturing each other's strengths. We are all like cars on the road of life navigating our own journeys. Though in long term friendships, you tend to see how they show up as each other's mechanics with a knowledge of how to best support, refuel, and repair when necessary. The closeness is not just for enjoyment of the ride but for the willingness to pull over and help elevate a flat spirit, to join forces and push another out of a dips of depression, grief and hurt, or even to offer a break from being a pillar of strength to allowing another to rest and be fuelled with care.

I think the reason we sometimes find ourselves lacking these deep, enduring connections is that we cling too tightly to the familiar, resisting the inevitable currents of change. Friendships, like precious gifts, arrive wrapped in the paper of transformation. But too often, we tear into the package without reading the instructions. In my mind, I picture each friendship arriving with a small, tucked-away manual labeled: "Accept, Adjust, Advance." We must accept the changes that come with any relationship, adjust our expectations, and then with time, grace and love, advance together, navigating the evolving landscape of life. In other words, take time to learn the individual. Every person is a class you attend; when you wake up in the morning, don’t forget to go to school. Exercise compassion, because whomever you are learning, is figuring themselves out too.

But in navigating these changes, we must be careful. It's easy to become adept at performing the role others expect of us, to become powerful in the eyes of others, rather than living authentically in the power of our own truth. This, I believe, is where the friction begins, the point where many friendships sadly fracture. We fail to be honest with ourselves, and therefore with others, about our limitations, about what's truly possible and what isn't. We overextend, offering more than we can realistically sustain, without considering the toll on our patience, our energy, and our hope. Our relationship with Jesus, our truest friend, should be our guiding compass. What He asks of us, even within the context of friendship, may require us to step outside the comfortable confines of our usual patterns.

I am yet to identify something that prepares anyone for the grief of stagnant or ended friendships. When you have invested so much in the cruise and have settled in the flow of things, it is so hard to imagine any of you having to float by occasionally-sometimes rarely; and other times float away. The truth is, you have a lot going on in your world and you are not always going to get it right. You may have opportunities for repair and in other relationships, you may not. All you may have to do, is ask God for the grace to survive and navigate life after, while standing firm on your decision knowing it’s not what you wanted but what was necessary for your well-being.

And so if that is you, wading the waters of adult friendship, I pray that you find the strength to let go of what no longer serves you, to release the hurts and forgive the trespasses that weigh you down. May your friendship with Jesus, the ultimate guide, lead you to the connections divinely intended for you, even as the Holy Spirit replenishes your spirit and fills the empty spaces within. Finally, I pray for the wisdom to see where you, too, might be inadvertently blocking another's path, and the grace to offer them the same generosity and understanding that you yourself so deeply crave.