namwano

A moment of peace and quiet seems hard to come by these days. Sleep has failed to honour many of us with its presence. Life can be messy for what seems like an unending period of time. But the other thing about it, is that it cannot and never will be linear. It is complex; complicated-and the strangest thing is there is beauty in that complicated state. You cannot really separate it in black and white, but you can recreate it into various shades of grey. But what about that pause? The pause you create because you are afraid; the pause you create because you are too worn out and tired; the pause you create when you’re trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision; the pause you create when you’re tormented by the lie that you are invisible- a movie playing in an empty theatre. It can be a daunting pause that endures horribly.  However, a solitary pause isn’t so bad. It teaches you the art of loving yourself so that you don’t have to use other people as coping mechanisms. ...

For a while I haven’t allowed my fingers to dance around the keyboard. I was breathing just a little. A little was just fine, for now (then), because during the pandemic, many had stopped breathing; and no one knew when their turn to stop breathing would come. I really don’t remember seeing beyond the moment; we at our workplace were among the few that rarely worked from home, and that served somewhat as a destruction from the reality that the world had been brought to its knees. For the past few years, breathing was considered a luxury. To conquer the anxiety of life required a dedication to a lifestyle we called social-distancing; it worked for a season, until I found myself wondering, “I want me back, this isn’t me”.  The volume knob of life had been turned down low. We could now hear people’s fear, doubts and anxieties equally as loud as we heard their dreams-at least for the number whose ambitions were not snuffed out by doubt. The pandemic made way for a lot of doubt. Even th...

Hey Queen, I will try and compose a beautiful letter to the woman you have been to date.  You have had days where some incidences cut you open to the core, leaving you in unearthly pain. Yet again, you have had days you have been a free soul, dancing through life like every weight was off your shoulders. You are a spoilt creature, but ironically you have built yourself that way. And those that love you, I know love that about you. That you are spoiled to spoil. You give much, because you have and keep building much. You dwell in generosity, even when your cup is dry. I know you want to leave the world a little bit better than you found it. And that is remarkable. You are becoming wiser and a more loving person. You aim for transformation, one that you continue to experience. It is no easy thing, and there are days you will loathe the path of service you have been called to; because greatness costs. It costs a great deal. But the more you engage, it will get easier. Maybe n...

       The end of another 365 is almost here. I picked a few life lessons that remain etched like tattoos both on my mind and in my heart. I picked a few out of the many overwhelming ones I would have shared, and I hope that you can maybe pick and carry one or two (or five or ten) and share them too. 1.       Learn to see people the way God sees them. I have always thought there is a reason why the famous 1 st Corinthians 13:4-8 begins with “Love is patient.” It is the foundation for all else that love is. Patience has fibres of grace, compassion, correction and truth. 2.       Do not just have goals in common, have God in common too. 3.       If you stay long enough with people that are determined to stay the course, they will brain wash you into believing that nothing is impossible. That nothing is difficult. That some things though not pleasing at first, are worth the pursuit, w...

To exude elegance under pressure is an art that one learns. It does not come easy. It comes with fear, sometimes in overwhelming measure. But I have and I am still learning, that you never really live completely unafraid, you simply learn either how to control it or go about your business in spite of it. I used to think that I needed big platforms with big crowds to use and validate my voice. Looking back I realize that it is not about the numbers or the wide stages. There are people who rarely go to the crowd to get the message. But they are searching, and they are hungry for that personal, relatable interaction. They are willing to be open to one who can reach them where they are at. My most impactful ministry just happens to be to people I barely know, people I will probably never meet, but they will come up to me or write to me, telling me how they admired my dressing and love for God, that they wanted to be like me. They will tell me how they vowed to ...

Life has been defined as several things. In the present season, it feels somewhat like an uphill trek, only this time, the view does not feel so great. Today, I am here for the one who this pandemic feels like walking through a pitch-black hallway, with arms groped forward to guide, while tears block your eyes. To be honest, no one has been spared from this. No one has been let off the hook. For a few, this may be a blessing in disguise, but I am here today for the one wallowing in uncertainty. I want you to wallow until you can wallow no more. I am here for the soul that is longing to make sense of the chaos in their head; for the soul for whom rest of late has become a luxury; the one whose paradise feels lost, and whose current road feels longer and harder. I am here for the one wailing like David asking, “How long, Oh Lord, how long”? (Psalm 13:1-2) Our lives have become urgent. We have been thrown into a desperate struggle. Comfort has become an illusi...

Over time, the ways in which we have been getting to know each other have changed. Practices have slowly been morphed into identities at the cost of companionship; and opportunities to grow deeper and access actual real and close friendships have been robbed by pretence, competition, comparison and assumption. Pretence and comparison take from us and eventually competition and assumption divide us. Human beings in general are fragile (I am learning that everyday). They are like mirrors, they can reflect back at us our imperfections but are also capable of breaking too if not handled properly or placed stably. Despite what life may serve us, there are still amazing people around. They will lift, educate and sometimes wake you up from a costly slumber. They say “All of you is welcome” while protecting you sometimes from your own wayward self. However, the beauty and sometimes the beastly seasons of friendship cause us to not only question the people around us ...

“It is one thing to win, it is another thing to win as the real you”. This is my theory of the real me; The real me is not an end, it is who I am now and everyday. The real me is growing; the real me is becoming. And in order to become it, it may take time. In that time it will require, on my part, a resolve to stay committed to the process , hard work that requires sacrifice , and belief that sustains in the seasons when the best version of myself feels like a fallacy. The real me is and will continue to be challenged. My frailty will be inflated, my fear magnified and on several occurrences, I will be greatly mortified. Because I know how deep the cracks of my enmeshed brokenness run and I remain uncertain of the genuineness or fake state of my circle. And by the time I make peace with the reality that ‘This is Me’, I may have lost a couple of things, and sometimes people. Nevertheless, the real me will make good of the wholeness that is crafted by th...

It is not the easiest thing to feel like a royal priesthood every day. It is easier actually, if you ask me, to feel like the Israelites. A bunch of fearful, traumatized individuals walking through high walls of waves with the possibility of death any time. This pandemic has served a cocktail of sturdy and fragile days. Sometimes I feel like Peter, the confident Christ follower who knows Jesus on levels deeper than the seas; levels where flesh and blood do not reveal some intricate mysteries. On other days, I feel like Peter the traitor. If asked to defend Jesus, I’ll outrightly betray him. Because standing up for Him would mean losing myself, yet I like this version of me, and I am not ready to let go. On a daring day I may go all Delilah on you, and go about life hiding my truth until an encounter with Jesus at the well leaves me questioning why a Holy God would still see past the flaws of a thirsty soul. So much so, He would have an in-depth conversation with me, an...