namwano

It feels good to be free! Free in the sense that whatever it was that was holding me back no longer has its hold on me. But my freedom has come with a sense of loss too. The kind of loss that I am not used to. You see losing is not really the issue, but being patient enough to wait on God for what He sees fit for me is the hardest bit. That includes purpose, godly company & ordained assignments. At this point in life, every decision is a destiny decision and so I cannot afford to take things lightly. Also how do you suddenly become bold when all you have ever known and mastered is living afraid? I figured, like a muscle, you exercise boldness. You keep working at it until it becomes less of a struggle and more of a lifestyle. I started regaining my life to heal in anonymity. A few close friends were aware of my journey and kept a loving distance to allow my wounds some breathing space. After coming from a war between who I used to be and who I really am, I needed nothin

  July 22 nd 2017… I am zoning in and out of reality that yet another chapter is coming to an end in my life. This chapter had as many episodes that I noticed would culminate to the end of a season. It had been a winter-a cold, dark and restless one at that. I wanted it that way for a bit-to be able to feel everything that came and articulate it all to a God I felt had abandoned me by allowing such treachery to happen to my presumptuous “good self.” I am shut in a lovely en-suite room, preparing myself to give a grand speech at an invite only event for my exit from the place I called home. My soul however, is restless; there is a tag of war for an unknown release. Whether it was of something or someone, I was yet to find out. This release I would later in life come to find out would be the launching pad to the best days of my life. I knew it was restlessness, but in God’s eyes it was a prompting. A prompting to make room for Him to do His good work first and foremost in

She was a strange kind of beautiful. But I was yet to see what lay beneath. She had some sort of enchantment to herself that imprudent men fled from but loped back to when it was far too late. I liked her. In fact I envied her a lot. She embodied a paradox that I craved to own. She was committed yet unperturbed at the same time; social yet a lone wolf (this was my favorite piece of her persona). These characteristics drew me to her, but not for the right reasons. I saw in her what I ought to have been seeing in myself all along. You see when the image of someone thriving at being a replica is presented with such grandeur glam, it does not occur to you that you are admiring their counterfeit. All you desire to be is like them; even when becoming like them costs you both your dignity and sometimes self-respect. A God-girl without a strong foundation pertaining to her identity will often chase after anything that works for others other than herself. Even with the knowledge that