Over time, the ways in which we have been getting to know each other have changed. Practices have slowly been morphed into identities at the cost of companionship; and opportunities to grow deeper and access actual real and close friendships have been robbed by pretence, competition, comparison and assumption. Pretence and comparison take from us and eventually competition and assumption divide us. Human beings in general are fragile (I am learning that everyday). They are like mirrors, they can reflect back at us our imperfections but are also capable of breaking too if not handled properly or placed stably.
Despite what life may serve us, there are still amazing people around. They will lift, educate and sometimes wake you up from a costly slumber. They say “All of you is welcome” while protecting you sometimes from your own wayward self. However, the beauty and sometimes the beastly seasons of friendship cause us to not only question the people around us but restructure them accordingly. I think it all boils down to what you value as a person. Your values are determinant factors of the entries and exits of life’s rich tapestry.
I conquer with William Shakespeare who said, “Faithful friends are hard to find”. Let us be honest, we all crave human interaction, even the most introverted of us. Whether we vocalize it or not, among our successes is finding people or at least one person that is happy with us; people that are happy for us genuinely, grow with us patiently, and traverse through life’s seasons with us consistently. But what happens when the gift of friendship comes attached with a pint kind of love, to a big heart that pours a gallon kind of love?
Time and seasons have been known to prove companionship. Time speaks if you pay attention to patterns, because patterns do not lie. Intentionality tends to cease when one is neglected and taken for granted. I tend to picture each of us as a bonfire. Some lit up, others yet to be created and set on fire. You cannot fabricate a bonfire anywhere and with anything. It has its particulars. Similarly, individually, you cannot set yourself up with just anyone. You may set yourself on fire and burn to ashes for people who do not know how warm you are. Company is crucial, and knowing the difference between seasonal and long term associations allows for mature living. The biblical principle of “loving your neighbour as yourself” (Mark 12:30-31), does not imply that we ought to be rigid in our relationships, but rather create boundaries that let people know their time is precious, and between them and you, it should be used wisely.
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There are those who have found the yin to their yang and that is great. But undoubtedly there are connections that are like fire and gasoline. Where the blanket of trust wears thin, and you feel stuck in a place where at the strike of a match you’ll burst into flames. The reality to accept is that “you will never ever rise from the ashes, if you continually keep the company of those that watch your burn in the name of being kept warm.” Be honest with yourself and with others, rather than impressive. You are made up of history and destiny; identify and be clear on where your associations fall. Fair weather companionship is draining and is often short lived by flattery.
Loving people by halves is not my notion. I’m an all or nothing kind of person. However, it is wise to know when a season of service has come to an end. If you find yourself seated in front of your emotional television replaying the series of your distraughtness, you owe it to your sanity, to turn it off, take time off and break the cycle that is destroying you. You cannot be in the past and the present at the same time, however you can choose a response befitting to the future you. A response that ultimately let’s one know that with love comes boundaries that are not only said, but enforced.
So at the end of the day, not only demand integrity from yourself but surround yourself with people of integrity. People that mean what they say, do it when they say they will and consistently keep their word. Surround yourself with people that not only appreciate your value but remind you of it. Value causes us to align ourselves with people who share with us rather than only receive. It causes us to look out for our own wellbeing, so that in our awareness, we are able to live out the best version of ourselves.
©namwano
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