namwano

One of the greatest tragedies is going through life with someone for a lengthy period of time, only to be told, at the quest for clarity on who you are, that you were only but… a friend. Ouch! I have been there, on a few occasions actually (story for another day) and to be honest, it broke me more than the first time, every time. But one thing I have learned is to take responsibility for my part of the ended waltz because it always takes two to tango. Responsibility for me means taking time out to evaluate my part in the problem and see how to rectify my attitude and behavior. I can’t say I learn my lesson well, sometimes I trip over, but I’m here to speak of improvements not perfection. Life has taught me the importance of ‘definition,’ the necessity of defining things the moment they come into being. It could be a friendship, a relationship, a business plan, anything… you are required to define it from the start. A little research would reveal that the word ‘definition

She was a strange kind of beautiful. But I was yet to see what lay beneath. She had some sort of enchantment to herself that imprudent men fled from but loped back to when it was far too late. I liked her. In fact I envied her a lot. She embodied a paradox that I craved to own. She was committed yet unperturbed at the same time; social yet a lone wolf (this was my favorite piece of her persona). These characteristics drew me to her, but not for the right reasons. I saw in her what I ought to have been seeing in myself all along. You see when the image of someone thriving at being a replica is presented with such grandeur glam, it does not occur to you that you are admiring their counterfeit. All you desire to be is like them; even when becoming like them costs you both your dignity and sometimes self-respect. A God-girl without a strong foundation pertaining to her identity will often chase after anything that works for others other than herself. Even with the knowledge that

Remember the agreement I had made with fear? Yes, it was powerful jotting it down; and I was confident that this energizing moment would revolutionize my life for good. Little did I know that just because I had made a pact, did not mean I would automatically be immune to the fear. Yes, fear could not stay, but my reality brought to the surface that from a distance, fear was waiting on me to come back and get as comfortable as it was before. It was cold outside of me, and the thing with fear, is that it is never really settled on the outside, because you can see it. But once it finds its way to the inner most parts of you, then it knows it has won.  But I have known this kind of space. It is called transition. It is a process that is packed with expectation, anxiety, excitement and sometimes gloom over what you are about to lose- that is transition for you. And because I forced fear to make an exit, I then made room for God and faith to make an entry. He was not just com