EPISTLES OF A MISSIONARY KID (The Summary –Part 1)

Four months down the road… I am excited. Thoroughly! I am actually making it through this season of my life. 2013, as one of my friends shared is for me a year of new beginnings. Every aspect of my life has changed. For some reason it feels more like a movie script. God inscribed season one, finished, and now He as at work writing season two (watch this space)

At the beginning of it I was certain I wouldn’t make it past month one. Being in a foreign country, my mind was and still is sometimes preoccupied with thoughts of boarding the next plane and flying back home. (I even put aside a jar where I save money to pay for a return ticket). If you ask me why, I’m not too sure how I’d answer you, if at all I’d open my mouth to- I think I’d just smile, hoping you’d figure it out by yourself.

The life within the unknown is one that gives you two options: one is to make the best of it. Two is to sit down and grumble, complain and believing an angel will come from heaven with good tidings like “Hear ye, The Lord says, go back to your former country, for this is not where you were supposed to be.” That is not going to happen. Events that take place in our lives do not happen by chance. They do not get God by surprise. He knew you would be where you are even before you were born.

I for one did much of the latter. For the longest time, I faced each day wondering, why really, did He send me here. I rarely looked forward to the coming days, in fact this is the first year, I think I haven’t sat down to make resolutions, simply because I was mad at God for placing me in an environment I saw unfit for me to accomplish my dreams. I was a wreck-with lost ambition, emotional numbness, fear and above all withdrawal, which ultimately led to loneliness. No one knew actually, or probably they did, but didn’t bother to talk to me about it. It’s the easiest thing to yell a big ‘Amen’ when someone indulged you with the famous ‘christianese’ talk”. You will quote all the scripture in your head, but you discern there and then, you actually don’t believe in any of them.

Life sucked at the time I dare say… I know it sounds like I’ve been here forever but it doesn’t take forever for one to experience change. With every passing day, there’s a certain amount of change that’s taking place within or around you. Whether you see it or not, believe it or not, feel it or not, it is happening. You are either growing or depleting, so check yourself and see what is happening.

I came to a point where I simply got tired of being me. I was unproductive and I did not like it. I knew, my life was not meant to be this way. I was destined to flourish where I was planted and the only hindrance to that was no one else but me.

I focused more on what I’d left behind and less on the opportunities that lay ahead to mould me into a better and brighter person. That wasn’t an assumption; it was the reality that I had to face; the painful truth that would set me free. It was enough and I couldn’t handle it. The ultimate act though was to admit; “Lord, I am weak, and I cannot do this without you.” Many times we push God aside because we think we are ‘man’ enough to handle our daily lives on our own. That is the perfect time for trouble to come crawling in. We often think He doesn’t see what we are going through or He is too far to actually feel and understand what we are going through. The truth of the matter is, He knows it all because He been through it all. And if He’s been through it all, then He understands it all. And if He understands it all, then He certainly feels it all. Though you have to be willing to give it all, for Him to work through it all and carry you to the end where you stand above it all.

I did exactly that; gave Him all I had been carrying. The number one thing being the loneliness that somehow I had dubbed, “My loneliness.” I owned it, it owned me-I fed it by constantly dwelling on it every single day. But I gave it all up, plus my fear of the future; my “hard-to-understand” moods (trust me, even I didn’t understand the drastic change in them every now and then-now I do).

It pays to trust God; not just trust him, but trust Him completely. Proverbs 3:5 says, Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart… you see? ALL! Don’t expect God to do something so great if you limit Him with your doubts. Align yourself with the promises of His word to surge within you the confidence to believe that He who begin a good work within you will be faithful to complete it. Believe that he can do exceedingly, abundantly; above ALL you could ever ask or think. Just because God changes the direction of how you thought things should go doesn’t mean He is not in control. If He can lead you through the known, He is still the same yesterday today and forever, He will lead you through the unknown.

I have learnt to depend on God. I have learnt to trust that He is in control. I didn’t do so by complaining and grumbling, I did so by continuously asking God to help me trust Him and to tell him, that I am relying totally on Him. Of course, many times it is not easy. But I choose to do find strength in it all. There are things that this world cannot give-my best example, inner peace and confidence that my future is secure. Only God can-and only God will.

Clear the clutter of doubt out of your mind.

When things seem uncertain, don’t panic. When you’re at a point where you really don’t know what to do or where to turn… look up.  There may be seemingly no light at the end of the tunnel but do this one thing, raise your hands in the darkness. God sees and He will answer and carry you through. Don’t worry about seeing the light, be confident about He who holds your hand through the darkness, because He is the light you need to get you to the light you will eventually see at the end of the tunnel.

God is at work in my life. I learn some things the hard way, but He loves me anyway and for that I push on. I may not know where I am headed, but I know who does. He is holding my hand as we speak, letting me know that He is in control-preparing me to experience nothing less than His best. All I have to be is patient (it’s a virtue I am still yet to be a pro at) and let Him do what He does best- Use me!

And when all is said and done, I am sure, I shall be glad that I answered to this call, to be planted right here at such a time as this.

My best is yet to come; in fact I am already experiencing part of it and for that, I look forward to the rest of it.

Peace be with you.

©namwano