27:16 'Altars'

"God..."

That is how most of my prayers have started and ended when asked to pray. I can't get past this simple yet grandeur three letter word because of the chaotic poetry built in my mind, when the response to "How are you really doing?" comes with a narrative filled with doubt, fears and sometimes tears.

"God... Help... "

Well, that is not too bad, at least I've gathered whatever little strength I have within me, to get a little bit more of His attention, by calling Him by name and asking for what I want. Actually it is not what I want, it's what I need. I need help. But the prayers sometimes end there, and if I'm to start again, they are a repetition of the same. Then, another word,

“God... Help... Me...”

That's it! I think that's a good enough prayer, and frankly it's taken every ounce of strength in me to say it, through sobs and wails. The rest of the prayer is more of wailing, and I'm a firm believer He is well able to interpret the wails. I don't know about you, but I haven't yet mastered the artistry of having much to say to God. Especially of late, because the prayers sound monotonous. My frail mind thinks I'm bothering God when in the real sense, God has been longing to hear me pour my heart out about everything; the good the bad and the downright ugly. Sometimes all I do is sit and stare into space, with a million questions left unanswered, but with this reminder that remains constant, "I will be with you." (Joshua 1:5)

Image: Vincent van Gogh

Lately, it seems to be true, that sometimes God can either change the situation, or change you in the process. On one end I feel He's changing me, but I battle more with Him on changing the situation. For me that would be ideally how I know God is good, if the situation changes. But God is not a vehicle I've been taught to maneuver and manipulate, He's both the manufacturer and the driver of this vehicle called life. On most occasions, I'll have to be on the passenger’s sit, with confidence and trust that He will get me safely, in one piece, to my destination.

The passenger’s sit sucks sometimes when you have been taught how to drive. You wish you could take over and ride at your pace, blaring your music without a “Be still” light indicating on your dash board. Nevertheless, the truth is this, that even when you think you know, you really don't know. God has designed us in such a way that our lives have the capacity to unlearn and relearn the fundamentals and complexities of life. 

I think one among many other blessings that comes out of this season is this, an altar has and is being created in the midst of uncertainty; that attached to the adversity is a seed of equal or greater benefit in the long haul. It is great that a heart’s posture be realigned with its creator, for it to beat aright amidst threat to have it do otherwise.

May we in this unprecedented times find comfort and build our hope in the truth that we can come to God, just as we are. For He has allowed us to come to Him, with every need we may have. In these times, may we constantly be reminded of His loving powerful presence that enables us to remain steadfast, even in these changing times.

©namwano