27:11 'OFFENCE'

 

Photography by: @KilographyKE

On several occasions, I realize that most of my growth and maturity is directly linked to experiences I have had with the people close to me. My circle is small, but the lessons derived from these few are probably what have made me who I am today. God orchestrates friendships. He brings people together on purpose. He does not operate on a backup plan, He is intentional even with the people we may label as ‘special-grace-required’ humans.

It always amazes me, this paradox, of how we as human beings can be different, yet all the same in God’s eyes. Take for instance, when it comes to taking offence. All of us take offence, we simply do it differently. Some marinate in it for a while and forget about it. But get them on the wrong day, and you may inevitably face the incredible hulk. Others deal with it there and then, give you a piece of their mind and if uncontrolled, unfortunately get physically abusive.

A recent incident taught me much to do with offence that I thought would be of help to share. At the time the offence was committed, thoughts of self-hatred coursed through my mind as I took it all in. All that had been said, in the tone that it had been said and the ample time I actually sat through the piercing words. You could call me weak, and I probably would have agreed with it, but I have come to learn that sometimes your greatest defense mechanism is an “okay”, and the sound of your feet mentally walking away rather than cursing one out and clenching their throat.

So the damage was done, pretty badly in fact. A couple of silent days, a whole lot of withdrawal and brains going haywire with self-doubt. I rarely cry (I’m yet to accept being emotional because I somewhat despise it) but after two days of that offence, my eyes were clouded by tears I had not been able to shed. In that space, reality did the talking, and I listened. But it said something that is the backbone of my sharing today;

You honor your offenders best by what you say about them in their absence. Your progress is greatly dependent not only on how quickly you forgive, but how you act after you have forgiven.

Hear me please, the offence was never about you, but neither was it about the offender-it was about what was to be grasped at the time of offence. To the offender, if they are wise, it may be confronting the damage done. It may be being humble enough to call the person wounded and apologize. It may be a ‘check-in’ to evaluate themselves based on their attitude and behaviors. It may be accepting that they need help and need to seek immediate counseling.

To the offended, if wise, it may be confronting insecurities, doubts and thought patterns that required a different version of them to take captive of the lies. It may also be admitting that you were wrong sometimes. God can use anything and anyone to shed light on areas of your life that He is not pleased with. And when He does, do not harden your heart. That is why it is important to be in communion with Christ. Like Adam in the Garden of Eden, walk and talk with God in the cool of the day and rest in Him in the night. It is in this communing that we find and take on our identity. This identity in return gives us a formula and tools to relate with others. We cannot relate with WHO God made until we relate with God Himself.

Photography by: @kilographyKE

Offence is an event; offended is a choice (Steven Furtick). You won’t go through life without getting offended. Offences are unavoidable. But how we respond to them determines our future a whole lot. Experiences can either grow us or damage us depending on how we choose to view them, either as a blessing or a curse. Offences carry with them possibilities. I urge you to explore them especially if your main aim is to become Christ like.

To you who has been offended, however, there is no need to plan revenge. You will quake, you will shake. You will sense the need to strategize how to get back at your offender; still, do not do it. Learn from the offence. Build yourself brick by brick.

My experiences taught me one among many things, to learn from my vulnerability. My inner monologue raised several questions about myself. I needed a different voice to speak over the negatives. And so I had to be willing to break out of my buried self-pity and let others in to hear what was keeping me low and combat the lies with the truth.

But the ultimate lesson from offence is this, be grateful. Grateful for the blows that you rolled with, grateful for the opportunity to sharpen your rough edges, and grateful for the opportunity to reflect Christ amidst the offence. Being offended is a choice, but so is restoration. Restoration takes God, but it rids you of the rocks  tied to your feet so that your wings can still carry you high as you soar. Restoration is not just for the offender, it is for the offended too.

You may choose to change, if you realize the offence was to bring you back on track. Nevertheless, as I change, I do not change because the other person is offended, I change because truthfully I was wrong and I want to do things right. My values come into play, not other people’s perceptions.

I have a choice; in fact I have many choices, and these are what I choose today,

I choose truth over opinions,

I choose authenticity over pretense,

I choose integrity over hypocrisy,

I choose to know who I am, love her and celebrate her every day,

I choose confidence over timidity,

I choose a spirit of love, power and sound mind over fear.

©namwano