I find some prayers in the
Bible to be very risky sometimes. There is a scripture that I have over the
months of this year come to make as a personal prayer; “Search me Oh God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious
thoughts. See if there be any offensive way in me and lead me in the way
everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)
It may be heartfelt when I
say it, but some recognizable pride manages to keep me from dethroning
myself and having God take center stage of my life. (Grace is sufficient
though, says that little voice that attempts to quiet my soul).
We have come to understand insecurity
as an aspect of life intended to warn us that we are vulnerable to some kind of
danger. But there is a kind of insecurity that is internal. We are constantly living
in fear of things like failure, rejection, inferiority and lonesomeness. It is a
state in which our lack of confidence is looming more than our faith. We always
feel “small” and “incapable”. But I guess it all boils down to where we place
our identity. Insecurity is a reflection of where or in whom you place your trust.
This trust has a close tie with the identity you have chosen to possess because
of the room you created for them in your life.
But
what is Identity?
Identity is simply “an understanding
of who we are authentically”. Sometimes identities are taken on and acted out thus
contradicting one's essential self. Identity has an origin. Knowing where our
identity comes from and being able to articulate it can address so many issues.
If it comes from the heart, then it is true. Because as it is said in Proverbs
4:23 that “from it flows the issues of life”, and from it, “the mouth speaks.” (Matthew
6:45)
The thing, person or
activity that has our most treasured and irreplaceable gifts such as time and
emotion, are more often than not the origin of most of our identities. What are
your determinants? What are you chasing after so badly at all costs because of
the reward promised? Insecurity makes me
withdraw and hide, because inadequacy or failure become more visible to the outside
world. I find myself trying so hard to perform and it’s more exhausting. You
know those conversations you have with yourself that are toxic to your mind? I
call them “ER” conversations. For example, “she’s
way better than me. She’s prettier that’s why she got the post. He’s stronger,
that is why he’s able to endure so much. They are wealthier that is why they
can afford such things”… and all other “er” lies that plague the mind and
create a literal “Emergency Room” in need of biblical truth to perform urgent
surgery.
Avoidance
as a tactic
The easiest but non
effective resort for my insecurity has been avoiding people and places that
make me feel insecure. But avoidance is like a pain killer; it deals with the
pain temporarily but does not quite cure the real issue.
Insecurity is to be addressed head on. I think
God uses it as a toll to gauge the allegiance of our lives. Do we really truly
believe Him and what He says about us? Or is there something else on His
throne? "Our beliefs are either refined and challenged or exposed."
But rather than viewing it
as something to be ashamed, our dwelling in the shelter of the most high should
compel us to openly admit, rightfully address and willingly accept our
insecurities as invitation for communion with God. He desires our attention and
affection, not only in our time of confidence but also in those moments when we
are uncertain, in doubt and full of fear.
The
Fix
A good friend of mine shared this with me, that "No one knows the extent of a child's dirt than the mother who cleans and clothes him/her." However insecure you may be, God alone who is the giver of worth and value will lovingly embrace and
truly affirm you of what He has put in you. It is therefore our responsibility
to not only believe what He says, but abide in His presence to continually be
reminded of who we are, why we are here, what we should do and what we are
worth (John 15:5-8). In Christ we have a peaceful refuge in all that He says
concerning any and every area of our lives. When your identity is founded in
Christ, you are in the process of becoming your true essential self.
But lately, I confess that
I have failed in completely believing my identity in Christ to be true. While I have believed it partially, I have on several occasions used my own strength and wisdom to gain approval from others
so as to feel validated. I fear rejection; it’s debilitating and I have my ‘go
to’ where I seek relief from my fears (social media for one can keep
you so addicted, but let’s be honest truthfully, for some it is out of a thirst
for validation, yes?).
Nonetheless there is an aspect of
grace that reminds us that you do not have to work hard at attaining what you
have already received for free. God’s promises and affirmation of who we are guaranteed
for life. Whether or not we accept them for what they are, the truth remains
that His word, like a mirror, reflects an identity that remains unblemished,
acceptable and unchanging. Exactly why we are compelled to “abide in him”, so
that our lives produce much fruit that in turn replaces our internal insecurity
(Gal. 5:19-23)
Avoidance does not bring freedom.
It is a slavery that binds you bit by bit. Admission on the other hand is the
first step to freedom. When you accept your current state and call it out as it
is, then make room for God to come and do His work. Transformation is better
done when we are willing to expose our insecurities, failures and weaknesses.
I am not as bold as I
should be, but I look back and realize I am not the same timid and insecure
girl I use to be long ago. God has not only challenged my insecurities, He has
loved me through them; shining light through every crack to touch lives in
simple but magnificent ways; a kind word, a soft touch, an unexpected financial
intervention or simply just being there.
Insecurities begin to die
when you see those you would envy as evidences of God’s extension of love
through you. They may have what you desire but there is always room to be more Christlike. Don’t break the flow of Christ by being insecure. Free yourself
by not only admitting your insecurities for what they really are, but also
letting God use them to reveal Himself to you and re-establish your identity to
gladly be of service to others.
©namwano
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