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DATING ME PT. 2

Photography by: Emmanuel 'Walker' Shichende
In the previous blog post, I asked a question that in my opinion determines a whole lot when it comes to self-knowledge, self-awareness and the impact it can and will eventually have not just on others but on you. If you missed it, kindly check it out here before proceeding.

Among my biggest ruins in life, was choosing to blend in with neutral crowds to figure out who I really was. Crowds whose principles and values were far different from my own. In a bid to feed my hunger to belong especially as a pastor’s kid, I easily but foolishly compromised myself and my morals for the people around me. In the process I accommodated wrong friendships that eventually side-tracked me from authentically being me. I did get the acceptance but was never quite satisfied with the person that I had become. There seemed to be some code language that every clique had. The only reason I felt this way, was because the person I thought ideal to become was not the person God saw ideal for me to be.

I know what it means to set myself on fire to keep others warm and I am way too familiar of the ashes left behind too …my ashes. Somehow my conscience was convinced that seeing other people happy because of what I had said or done, would sprout some internal joy (which it did), but it was fleeting. I still questioned the emptiness that came with it. And the answer came from an unusual withdrawal and deliberate evaluation. I knew people well enough to do all I did when I could for them, but I barely knew myself well enough to define what was good for me too. 

I did not do the whole scribbling on pen and paper by the way, even though for many, this is their go to when things are about to get ‘real.’ I already knew I was a pretender, I needed no inscription on paper to affirm that. I simply needed to know and understand who I was at the moment, and take a step further to not only understand me but align my heart, mind, body, soul and spirit with the truth of who God says I am. I dated me by speaking to me. My speech is a reflection of my heart (out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks).

You can only change where you are when you are fully aware of who you are. You are not an imagination, nether are you and after thought, you’re a being. If you do not know who you are then you will never know what you are entitled to.
Photography by: Emmanuel 'Walker' Shichende
Allow me to share with you a few discoveries I made while dating me. Knowing who you are,
1)   Gives room to work towards who you are called to be
What do you tell yourself? Do you like what you hear? If not, then why? While on my escapades to find a supposed new me, the journey had elements of revelation of who I currently was. I was not evil, but I neither was I perfect-I was simply broken and in need of repair. I had to be open and willing to accept that I would be under construction for life. Sometimes we think that just because our flaws are made obvious to us, we shall undergo a one-time fix. It does not work that way. We are constantly being worked on to become more and more like Christ. Our role though, is to identify the “why” for our behaviors, and patterns. 

Why do I love the way I do? Is it out of the abundance of my heart, or the deficiency of my insecure soul? Why do I give? Is it to be seen and accepted or simply because it is my  life principle? Why are they my friends? Why do I call them my friends? Why do I feel empty sometimes when I am with them? Why do I feel alone? Why do I feel dry?
The answers to these and many other questions were a revelation of a hidden self that needed to be unveiled, in order to not only be more of myself but better versions every single day. You do not become better by impersonating those around you, you become better by evolving into the best of you.

2)  It leads towards completeness, fullness and wholeness
You can only be true to you when you know you. If I am honest about the state of affairs in my heart and mind with myself, my insecurities, disappointments and the likes begin to lose their power over me as I embrace God’s countering truth. Embracing truth is no swift thing, it may take its time, and that is why we are required to feed on it daily. Our deficiency if seen through Christ is opportunity for redemption, rectification and renewal.

3) It creates definition
You are not easily swayed by outside influences such as friends or circumstances that cause division and confusion. When you are defined, you are whole. Being undefined distinguishes your strength and you end up stretching yourself too thin in things and people that sap your energy. When you are whole you are authentic. When you are authentic, the aspects of your life, flourish. When you are authentic you are mindful of yourself and others.
Photography by: Emmanuel "Walker" Shichende
 Knowing who I was and accepting it, opened opportunities to do more and be more. It enabled me to relate authentically and identify, separate good company from bad company. It instilled in me the urgency to not only create but maintain clear boundaries and make sound decisions influenced internally and not buy external factors. You attract who you are. Per chance though you may meet the opposite; your awareness of you helps you set clear boundaries for relationships.

So I celebrate the fact that each tiny part of me has been created uniquely and I am one-of-a-kind. I am a piece of work in need of deliverance from feeling weird and wishing I was someone else. Nevertheless, there are bits and pieces of my life that make me special, and it is up to me to identify, know, embrace and ultimately enjoy these precious things that make me special. 

My rarity is a reflection of the precious treasure I am to God-just as I am. Because He created me, as I am, I have the responsibility to play the part of “being me”. “Me” is enough-and because He believes it, then with joy, I can wake up to the realization that there is something only I can give the world, that no one else can. God has given me everything I need to be me. And with the power of the Holy Spirit at work in me, the lies of the enemy are overpowered.

Times are surely going to change, but as they do, you should not lose your ability to define who you are. Be aware and knowledgeable of you. Knowing who you are allows you to incorporate necessary changes in you that get you closer to who you are supposed to become. In the process of becoming, you may have to lose the urge to be like everybody else and remind yourself that you do not have to be like everyone else, neither do you have to do what everyone else is doing. You can do life while captivated with purpose, on your own lane, and still bloom.
Photography by: Emmanuel "Walker" Shichende
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