NO MORE TANGO!

Here and now rests my head upon the lap of the earth reminiscing on yet another episode of folly that almost cost me a dignified reputation. God is a God of countless chances when repentance is genuine; but sometimes you still have to pay the price to learn the importance of sticking it out along the narrow road that leads to life

I’m not that good at my step when it comes to the dance floor; I neither walk on toes like the ballerina girl (wherever you are just know you are absolutely  amazing), nor do I break bones like a skinny guy I got to know called ‘Boneless’ when I was in primary school. I could do the basics of a salsa routine, but never get round to “dropping it like it’s hot” under a disco ball-even though I think I can. It could be that I’m daring enough to be different, but really… am I? 

The lees of a tango that had been ongoing to the music crafted by addictive nostalgia, opted to settle like fine sand rather than be blown away by the winds of grace and forgiveness. I found myself questioning the origin of my current state of depravity, whilst trying to dig up and burn the root feelings of embarrassment, disappointment and shame. 

I couldn’t hide it anymore; the voices in my head had shut out those of the outside world, convincing me that leaning on my own understanding was the better option at the moment than waiting patiently for that voice that would say, “this is the way daughter, walk ye in it”. For days on end he was a distant stranger, with not much to be considered noticeable; but a friend once told me, that if you want to know who someone really is, give them time- a valuable asset that once  given, can never be got back. Time was utilized for sure, and on some days, I never quite noticed how it had flown by because some if not most of my life, happened to revolve around him.

Familiarization is the mother of assumption, which leads to a trek down the road of uncertainty; when forced to make a choice between opportunity and being content, the alluring call by him was easier to answer to than that of the Holy Spirit, to be patient and with self-control. Both are fruits produced regularly by what you feed your mind with and what is digested in your heart.

(Thank God for real friends who are placed as your eyes and ears on the ground when your own are not “functioning” too well. They knock some sense into your head, pushing out most if not every ounce of foolishness in your mind. And after a tug of war, the Holy Spirit as well convicts you too, and you choose to give up fighting for your way and trust God above your fleeting feelings and emotions.)
 

A mindset trained to believe that success comes from acquisition of earthly possessions and instant fulfillment of every awakening desire, is an immature one. It not only distorts your perspective, but your emotions are no longer under the control of the Holy Spirit. The lack of synchrony between your heart and mind causes instability that is reflected through your actions, words and above all, your motivation.

You see dancing to the tune of desperation may look like an innocent act, but it isn’t when the thing or person you give most of your attention to, is magnified more than God. When your meditations are contrary to those which are “noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, with virtue and praiseworthy” (Phil. 4:8) then there is need for spiritual resources that I believe can only be found in God’s presence- where we constantly ought to dwell.

Truthfully, sometimes I find myself seeking attention from people that care less about me, and I bet you too have had instances where you desire to be seen and heard in forums that probably don’t require you to be in. If you’re a single lady, you would agree that once in a while, you like to hear, “Hey, I like your style” from the guy you are eyeing next to you rather than “You are beautiful” from the guy you wouldn’t pay much attention to. We battle with accepting compliments from people, but still have the need to be appreciated by a particular individual. Such perplexities are known but hard to understand. Some may brush it off; others, like me would opt to cave in and be as silent as a church mouse, putting on a facade in front of people just to suppress what’s on the inside. There are those who cry sometimes, probing God to overwhelm them with His love so that they don’t have to look to man for affirmation, appreciation and approval. 

But I constantly have to remind myself of this one thing (and the Holy Spirit still convicts me of this); that who I am and what I do should revolve around bringing glory to God. It shouldn’t be a means to get what I want because He is not a vending machine. But rather, it should be the avenue in which God uses to not only glorify himself but work in and through me.

I can either be a stepping stone or a stumbling block. An enhancement or an irritation. A better me or a bitter me. A woman who is content or like a kudzu, hurtful and out to destroy relationships due to a heart full of jealousy and envy. I can think big and have pure, loving and kind thoughts about those around me; giving credit where due to those with God’s favor upon their lives; or I can choose to be full of malice and allow the devil to have a foothold on how I deal with the people around me- either superficially or authentically.

Bottom line is contentment is a choice. Acceptance of who God made me, who God called me to be, where He has placed me, the season I am currently in, where I have come from and where I am going (which may be unknown), is a choice. If He sees it fit to change it, then He will, for He is the author of time; if not, then His promise stands that His grace shall be made perfect in my weakness. My responsibility therefore is to seek Him consistently, and trust in Him completely while accepting that in Him I am enough as mentioned in 2 Cor.3:5 & 6.

It is no easy task to achieve a state of contentment, but neither is it impossible. You do not attain contentment as one complete package; surely no one really does, because for us, enough is not quite enough. Instead, God in His capacity teaches you how to live life contently. The catch is, to let Him be sovereign over every aspect of your life. 

Hear me though, I am in no way asking you to settle for the common. The Lord himself says that “if you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” (James 1:5) Do not settle for good enough, when God is out to give you His best. Your dissatisfaction rather than pushing you to settle, should create an opportunity to present your need to God. In that moment, as you surrender, He then challenges you on what to do, while still in obedience, striving to be content as you pursue your goals. 

So I challenge you, depend on God especially in your times of desperation. As you choose to continually depend on Him, it becomes easier to be content with everything that presently concerns you. May God help us to always remember that He is sufficient to meet each of our needs, and that in Him, we have everything that we need.