INTIMATE SYMPATHY

Held hands, interlocked fingers

Sealed lips, merged physiques

Breathless moments amidst the mysterious circumstances

I remember… oh yes I do

I remember like it was yesterday

Such reminiscences take a while to fade away

I didn’t like him much, but was forced to love him

By her

She’d have kicked me out if I didn’t

And quite frankly I didn’t mind

I needed a place to unwind

Held hands, interlocked fingers

Sealed lips, merged physiques

Breathless moments a midst mysterious circumstances

I enjoyed each and every one of them

Different people, but the experiences still the same

Nobody knew but me, I guess I was good at my game

Coz all I ever told them besides an imaginary profession, was my name

Dad had walked out on me

Mum regretted the day she ever bore me

I couldn’t tolerate more of this life

Between me and her, there was nothing but strife

I can’t remember the last time dad regarded her as his wife

Maybe in his thoughts (in regret that is) but in public, they never saw eye to eye

I never bothered to ask why

It was none of my business, besides, learning to live as the victim, pierced my heart like a knife

I can’t remember the last time I heard them say, they care for me

And in no time I believed that this was how life was suppose to be

To consider that it would turn out alright someday became silly

I mean being called a failure every day, doesn’t really propel one to think, “I’m pretty”

Well there was no helper in sight

I had fought all I could with all my might

I wished every day that someday I would see the light

But once you get used to the darkness, trust me, you never really mind if it ‘bites’

You love its sting

Painful as it may be, you accept it-plus the tragedy it’s bound to bring

A wounded spirit, a wounded soul

A broken body and guilty conscience as a whole

Held hands, interlocked fingers

Sealed lips, merged physiques

Breathless moments a midst mysterious circumstances

Man #1…tall, dark and handsome

Very laid back, but in secret, great in showing ‘love’ if you wanted some

It didn’t work though, sadly, because, he was on a mission to get me to bed

And boy the things he did, are better left unsaid

I was hurt but brushed it off quickly

I mean, if I wanted a man right here right now, hey, no offense but I’d get one speedily

And I did

Man #2

Unlike man #1, he didn’t have much of the looks; it was his charm that blew me away

Every now and then, he had something nice to say

Whether the sky was blue with the sun, or it rained when grey

There was no point I remember, when this man never made my day

I felt like a queen on a throne

But not until I realized this happened to Jenny, Jane and Julie over his phone

I thought I was the only one

But he made it clear when he stated, “I am out to have fun”

Not with one, but as many as I can”

The pain grew deeper, as I walked out on him

Wondering what exactly swept me off my feet when I met him

Oh well just another hurt break I guess

Back to the cycle of tears and depression… man, I was a mess

But in came man #3

This time I didn’t want any trouble

I ‘took it slow’ (whatever that means)

No dates for a couple of months…just school and a roller-coaster of emotions

Happiness, sadness, bitterness, hatred, depression… I mean I experienced them all

And to hide it all, I go shop for a shoe or two at the mall

Just to make me smile…or if it was really bad, bash my head into a wall

The pain was sweet (believe me) and for some reason, made me walk “tall”

Not for long though, just but for a moment

Then I’d be back to square one, looking for the next pill in my closet

I don’t how he recognized me

But apparently, we knew each other from church (praise the Lord)

Hallelujah, One sober man, I thought

He wouldn’t intend to hurt me would he?

I mean, he is from the church

In fact he would help me out of my misery and bring a halt to my search

For love, peace and happiness and a sense of worth

Coz home, where I came from, had nothing of that nature, to bring forth

I liked him, so much…but somehow, I found a way to control it

I wanted to tell him, how I felt, but I thought, why not just wait a lil’ bit

To my surprise after a service, he sat me down, and poured out his feelings

I gave a blank look, but deep inside, I wanted to jump up to the ceiling

“Yes”, I thought, “Dude what took you so long?”…

We laughed, we cried, walked home hand in hand

We embraced; we smiled, strolled across the beach sand

With a group of young fellas on holiday

I can go on and on, on all we did

I was for him, he was for me

And all that mattered was that-and so I lived my life stress free

Coffee turned lunch- lunch turned dinner- dinner turned candle lit supper…at his house

Did I mention that we did use to have ‘BS’ at his house…mmmhmmm…?

This time, nothing spiritual was bound to happen, and as we all love to say, ‘we had to be real with ourselves’

It felt wrong from the start

At least the little religion I had, convinced me of that fact

Not that much though, coz, we were now inches apart

His eyes were staring right into mine

This feeling of his touch was a sign

GIRL, YOU NEED TO FLEE!!!

I didn’t want to…but I wanted to

He didn’t want to…but he wanted to

And he did, because I let him take all of me

The aftermath wasn’t sweet at all

I felt like I had experienced such a great fall

He all of a sudden, never wanted to see me

Like Amnom to Tamar, he kicked me out

Living me in such a disgraceful state…

Now I am tired

I am sick and tired of this kind of living

Running away from something, to try and gain something to live for

Will I ever find that opened door?

The door that will lead to a love that is genuine

A love that never runs dry

A love that gives me more of assurance and less of asking why

Aren’t I worth loving?

Aren’t I worth caring for?

Doesn’t a girl like me deserve to be loved?

Why am I here? Why should I live?

If there’s no one to love me, what is left of me to give?

Who would take me anyway, now that I am retched?

This is my story, this is my life…

I know it, I live it, and I’m sick of it

Find it in your heart today to have some empathy

Coz there’s nothing worse than obtaining…

Intimate Sympathy!