It is a cold night thankfully there’s not much fear, rather some form of warmth surrounding my heart. Though in as much as it’s all warm and fuzzy, in the deepest part of this small heart of mine, I wish someone would embrace me.
It’s been a long day-it begun on a good note and remained the same. I am no celebrity; but somehow today I had every person screaming out my name, eager to hear if I watched the previous day’s football game. I didn’t. Whoops! Sorry, I had lots of assignments to think of and do, and quite frankly I’m the last person you’d expect to be sited for 90 minutes glued to a television cheering for people who have no idea I exist and still have this grave idea in their head, that, the whole world is watching them, as in?
Anyway, I ignored the whole story and on the contrary opted to go to the library. With a couple of heavy books on my left hand and my bag comfortably resting on my right arm, it was quite easy to tell, football and I just didn’t connect. So I strolled into the library (I am a very relaxed chick, and choose to take my time when it comes to walking unless circumstances force me other wise), looked for a rather spacious position for good concentration and begun on my reading; the lecturers previous notes-yes that’s right, I am focused like that.
2 hours non-stop in to my reading, I got bored; not seeing the need to add more knowledge into my system, I decided to dispel some of it, by trying to jot down something on my journal. Sadly, there was no inspiration whatsoever, clearly coz I didn’t go past the first word.
Fast forward, to the time I got home, which was a while ago, and hey, I’m all alone. It’s a YEI but NEI moment. Its fun to be alone, trust me, but at times, being alone every other day, brings about boredom, you feel me? I hope so. So of course the usual, prepare dinner for thy self, enjoy it by my self, and relax by the fire with some cocoa…how else but by myself.
But then I remember, I jotted down, one word in my journal for one whole day (that is unlike me in typical scenarios)… and I believe, what you begin, you MUST finish. At least try, and don’t let QUITTING, be your first, second, third or last option. No matter how long it takes you, keep doing it-if you fail, pick yourself up, and resume from where you left, fix what you need to, and keep going ‘til you get to the finish line.
Well, to be honest I rubbed that phrase, a hundred and one times, coz it just didn’t feel catchy. You know what they say, first impressions can tell a lot about a person, and in this case, a good introduction, to this story, poem, or whatever it was going to end up being, was very important; at least to me who was writing it.
Though hours later, it didn’t come… but I didn’t give up, nor did I give in, I simple wrote underneath the phrase, ‘to be continued’ as a reminder that I still had unfinished business. But what if maybe there was someone to ask me, how my day was or what’s on my mind? Think about it…
Off to bed, but before so, I thank my God, for carrying me through the day. Many didn’t make it, but I did. Not because I deserve it but because of two things that I treasure to this day, His mercy, which is new every morning and His grace which is sufficient everyday that I am alive.
I turn off the lights…tuck myself in…close my eyes…and sail away to dreamland…
Everybody in life has different types of days. It may be dramatic with lots of pressure from the small world around you. It may just be that you woke up on ‘the wrong side of the bed’ ( by the way I have never understood why people say there’s a right and wrong side of the bed… is it just an expression, coz most days I always wake up on the left side, so is that right or wrong?) Maybe the day was rather slow; you were stuck doing the same ol’ thing you do every single day-paperwork, delivering mail and packages in the scorching sun from 8-12 and browsing the whole afternoon with nothing in particular to tickle your fancy… or maybe you’re one of those people who simply have happy days when you are out of the house, because you make people happy out there, but when you’re home there’s no one in particular to do so…
It would be good to note that at the end of the day, everyone wants someone whom they can share there days with. (Well majority of whom I have talked to believe so) They want someone to share their joys and frustrations of the day. They want to describe how horrible the boss was today at work, how their wallet and phone got stolen in a ‘matatu’, how they got a new idea for the business, how they bonded with their girls, how the bank closed just as they were about to go in and pay their rent due on that day, how boring the lecturers were, how they passed their test and completed their projects, how they dream of doing something different with their lives and may want an honest point of view, how this guy spotted them and told them they looked beautiful and asked them out, how they got dumped and feel like it’s the end of the world and they can’t breath without their now ‘ex’ boy/girlfriend…
It’s a crazy world, but imagine, if you came home and found that someone was waiting for you to here what happened, what didn’t, what you think will come to pass, I mean, you will be less stressed and feel some sought of comfort knowing that there is someone willing to hear you out, whether or not what you say makes sense.
But also be there for someone. It all starts with you. You cannot desire something that you yourself are not willing to share, when need arises. If you need time, you too ought to give time. It ain’t always about you okay? I love what Theodore Reik once said, “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
I thus beseech you all; find someone who is mature, trust worthy and above all willing to actually hear you out; especially after an erroneous day. In fact, these are my recommendation
- If it is real bad, or you just need to share something burning in your heart, talk to God. Trust me, it works wonders. In the words of one awesome pastor and singer, Deitrieck Haddon, “Prayer, Oh prayer, It changes things.” If you don’t believe me, try it. Word of advice, when it comes to conversing with God, keep it real imagine, because He knows what you’re going to say even before you tell him.
- Talk to someone. Again here it goes, TALK TO SOMEONE! It really helps when you share with someone whose willing to cry with you in you low moments and rejoice with you in your victories. You need someone who takes you as you are, not their expectations of you. I was once told that, if someone can’t be with you in your tears, then they aren’t worth sharing your happiness as well. So as you ask God to direct you, keep that in mind.
- If you tend to be more secretive (like me) you will eventually just have to learn how to open up. Because, you need to. You don’t live on your own Ireland with a sign board at the entrance saying, NO TRESSPASSING. Hallo, you live in a world full of billions of humans and out of them, someone somewhere is willing to listen to you… believe it or not, it is the truth. Though for starters, you can get a notebook, where you can write anything and everything you feel. I am not telling you to be grammatical, and use figurative speech and idioms-it ain’t a composition to be marked. I am asking you to be real on the book, as you seek to open up with someone.
Just for the record, I am not an expert, so if what I urge you to do doesn’t work, don’t say I am a bad person. These are just suggestions that you can try; I had them work for me, and I can only give what I have, hoping that it will be of benefit to someone else just as it has been to me.
So turn your pillow conversation into a people conversation. There are some things that a pillow may be able to give you; time, a place to lay your head and wail all you want as it comforts you while you squeeze it; but it doesn’t move you from where you are. It doesn’t give you any feedback.
Delve into the world of reality that guarantee’s you of change (and remain there). People may hold you, and God may use them to encourage you-but ultimately He is the one who raises you. You can never be alone. You are never alone. There’s your ultimate Father in Heaven who must at all times hold first priority and then the people He has created around for purposes of accountability. So find time, do whatever it is you have to today, and talk. You need people in this life and ultimately, you need God!
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