I am slowly learning how to stop bottling things inside and talk about them. The usual me would keep it all in and try and come up with a solution for myself without giving any clue that anything was wrong with me. I loved to sit in my own cocoon, contemplate on my failures and weaknesses and what got me to the slimy pit I happen to be in at that particular moment. I’d most probably be closed up in my room coming up with endless imaginations of how my present life would have been if I had avoided the inducement.Well after all is said and done, one thing’s for sure: you still remain in square one. You think by simply brushing it all away you have dealt with the issue but in reality you have actually left it as a pending agenda waiting to be worked on.
I love being a lone ranger. I do things on my own, come up with my own ideas, wanting to achieve them my own way and mostly being led by own convictions. But lately I have come to realize, it isn’t the best thing in life. There are times I have thoroughly messed up, given in to enough temptations, and the effect of it all is really ugly. The whole embarrassment I guess is what makes me feel like nobody ought to know lest I am judged or somebody looks at me with those eyes of…’you mean you of all the people could do such a thing?’ If I am not wrong the Bible says ‘All have sinned (not some, ALL) fallen short of the glory of God. So as you look at me, don’t forget to check yourself as well.
As a result of the embarrassment I ended up living in fear; Fear of it all haunting me in the future, and fear of it popping up unexpectedly in the present. Fear is a bad thing. It takes you captive and controls every bit of you; your mind, your feelings; everything ends up being subjected to its authority. It is not because you wanted it to, but it is because you gave it room to do so.
The bible clearly states says, ‘For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.’(2 Tim.1:7) That sound mind is what I did not have for quite a long while, having allowed myself to carry my burdens alone in my heart, mind body and soul. I knew I needed to talk about it, let it all out, but I just didn’t know where to begin. The garbage inside was too much. It had all piled up and now I clearly had drowned in it all.
Though, it comes to a point where you just can’t take it any more. You see people around you full of joy and you too want the same. You see people getting by like they have no issues in their lives and you want that as well. Until you hear the hell they have been through to get to where they are you live in a world of assumption.
Randomly, I decided to do the not so usual thing, open up. I identified someone of whom I had been watching, who was of good character, and clearly had their Christianity on track from the look of things. As guilty and as embarrassed as I felt, I somehow found the courage to let it al out, and boy oh boy, it was painful. But still it helped eventually because right now I am enjoying the fruits. There’s a sense of freedom, a huge amount of peace and tranquility. Yes at times, I want to keep it in, but then before the pressure mounts up, I talk about it, sometimes without even booking an appointment. I mean with the technology these days, you can send and receive messages so quickly. So I will just inbox, my horrors and traumas, and wait for you to give feedback, of course as I pray.
In simplicity this is what I am trying to put across:
learn to talk. Talk! Talk! TALK!
It will help you especially in your walk with God. No man is an Ireland. God created us for relationships. We each have a responsibility to talk care of each other. So while you are sitting in your cocoon, feeling all sorry for your self and putting a mask over the guilt, shame and loneliness that you possibly feel, always remember there’s someone waiting to hear and help you.
I understand that this world is a crazy place (and trust me dear, it isn’t going to get any better so get used to it) but I highly doubt you cannot find someone to talk to.
Learn to
- Talk to God
God is your Father and the one person in heaven and on other that is ready to listen to you. His emergency hotline is on 24/7 365 days a year, so you have no excuse. It doesn’t matter how many times you come to him, talking about the same issue, God has a listening ear, and he is ready to help you. Romans 10:13 says, ‘For whoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved’. You need help? God’s got help and so much more for you. You are his child. He is your father. He loves you, so be confident enough to tell him what lies on the inside.
2. Talk to someone Godly
If you think that like me, you are going to solve an issue on your own, you are lying to yourself. First of all I think that is pride and you should repent about if before anything else. (There’s a song we use to sing in church when I was young: ‘Humble yourself before the Lord, He will lift you up. Point taken? I do hope so) There are times when, you can’t defeat some things on your own. You need someone to pray with you, encourage you, hold your hand, cry with you sometimes for hours, and above all love you with the love of Christ. Identify such people around you. The bible says in James 5:16 ‘Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.’ Take that courageous step today and talk about it with someone who will hold you accountable.
Remember, while you do this, you become the devil’s worst enemy, and don’t worry about that because it is a good thing. He will try everything in his power to try and make you feel like you are missing something when you start this new venture of breaking free from these unnecessary chains.
My advice:
Do not fight in your own strength. You have God given weapons.
1 Prayer
Fasting
Reading and Studying of the word
FELLOWSHIP (HERE WE GO AGAIN, TALK! TALK! TALK!)
Don’t allow yourself to hide behind the ugly mask that you don’t need. The mask of hurt, guilt, self pity, etc. whatever negativity that lies inside you will only become a burden. The hurt within you makes the light of Christ become darker and darker thus giving room for all your wounds to become greater and greater. Do not suppress what lies inside, bring to the open and allow God to heal you and work on you as well. Let His grace that abounds, be sufficient for you each and everyday amidst the low times.
So speak out! It is the only way you will begin the journey that leads you into where you ought to be from where are at right now.
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